I've never done this before

This afternoon, I have a flight to Portland, Oregon, but I won't be getting on that plane, or any plane for that matter. I'm purposefully missing my flight.

I've never done anything like this before. Sure, I've missed a connecting flight, or had to change flights and pay ridiculous fees, but I've never NOT showed up to the airport when there's a seat on a plane with my name on it.

I love to travel and look forward to any trip, big or small. I love packing up my essentials, cleaning my apartment, and that moment when I lock the door knowing that I'll have another adventure under my belt when I return.

So why am I missing this flight? Why am I choosing to skip what was sure to be an epic trip?

Because my gut told me to.

About a month ago, I starting having doubts about the trip. I was meant to fly out to Portland to run the Hood to Coast Relay, and then head down to Cali for a week of working and playing in Los Angeles. My tickets were booked, I had made arrangements for where I was staying and I had pulled together a list of all the cool spots I wanted to check out in each city.

I took a similar trip last year (a bit longer, with a few more stops) and it was incredible. But this year, something felt off. I wasn't as excited to hang out at all my favorite places in LA, and just thinking about running the race made me want to crawl back in bed and sleep for a week. Every time I went to plan something for this trip, it felt HARD. I was confused - why didn't this feel FUN? Why wasn't I getting that giddy feeling I always do before I travel?

As I've shared on Instagram stories, I haven't been running much at all the past month, so I thought maybe the race was getting me down. I'm working with a naturopathic doctor to heal some hormonal stuff (I'll be sharing more about this too, at some point!), and taking a break from running, and COFFEE, has been part of that process.

After much discussion with a few close friends, I made the decision not to run the race. Between the intense running and sleepless nights, I realized that this was not supportive of my healing process. It was hard to tell my team that they needed to find a replacement for me just 3 weeks out, but I knew I was making the right move.

While I felt relieved about not having to run the race, I still didn't feel that lightness or excitement that I usually feel around travel.

And then it hit me: the entire trip was not in alignment with my intention for the rest of the summer.

During our weekly Rockstar coaching call last week, Robyn asked the group to get clear on how we each wanted to feel when the summer ends. She actually asked us to DRAW this out first before putting words down.

Here's what I drew:

Do you think she looks like me? ;)

Do you think she looks like me? ;)

My desire was to end the summer feeling light and rested; to complete little to-dos and projects so I have energy and space to take on NEW things in the fall; to be grounded by my daily routines and feel like my days and weeks have a flow.

As soon as I wrote this down I realized THIS was why my West Coast trip felt so off. How could I be well rested if I was taking red eye flights and sleeping in strange beds? How could I finish up my personal projects if I wasn't at my own apartment? How could I find my daily flow if I was trying to check out a new health foods store or yoga studio each day?

I realized I couldn't. So what should I do? How could I support this intention?

A little voice in my head said STAY HERE.

I listened. I decided to stay on the East Coast. To stay in Maine a little while longer, where I can go to sleep early and wake up with the sun. Where I can write and work and focus. Where I can take a few steps from my bed and be in nature. Where I can cook in a BIG ol' kitchen. Where I can hang out with my 95-year old grandmother who grounds me and inspires me.

So here I am. In a little sleepy town in Maine, missing my flights to some of the greatest cities on the West Coast, and I couldn't be happier about it.

How do you want to feel when the summer is over in two weeks? What can you do to support that intention? Or maybe what do you need to change or cancel so that you can feel the way you want to feel when Labor Day rolls around?